For I am sure that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:38-39
They that love beyond the World cannot be separated by it. Death cannot kill what never dies. Nor can Spirits ever be divided that love and live in the same Divine Principle…. They live in one another still.
William Penn, 1693
Death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity.
William Penn, 1693
Eternity is at our hearts, pressing upon our time-worn lives, warming us with intimations of an astounding destiny, calling us home to Itself.
Thomas Kelly, 1941
DEATH OFTEN FACES US with the most difficult of questions, yet it may be the occasion of our most profound insights into the meaning of life. As Friends seek to surround the bereaved with love and care, the sustaining power of God can bring to all concerned not only courage but a transforming truth about death and life itself. Although life instinctively avoids death, death is not the opposite of life. It is essential to the ongoing, changing nature of life.
When Friends suffer the loss of a loved one there is sustaining strength in the loving concern and helpfulness of the Meeting and its members. It is important to be prepared beforehand about the Meeting’s responsibilities at the time of death. The Committee on Oversight carries the main responsibility. It should have on hand, and all in Meeting should be familiar with, “When Death Occurs in the Meeting,” a resource handbook for Meetings.* It should be informed about legal requirements and available community facilities, including those for the use of organs or the use of the body for scientific purposes. It is helpful to have a general plan of procedure worked out in advance and to have acquainted appropriate mortuaries with Friends’ attitudes and desires, thus reducing explanations to a minimum at the time of death. Many Friends belong to memorial societies which contract with given mortuaries in an area for prompt, simple, and inexpensive disposition of the body, frequently through cremation.** It is useful to keep on file, often with membership records, suggestions from members about arrangements desired at the time of their death, including a list of persons to be notified. A suggested form for this purpose is found on p. ___. Meetings are responsible to remind members to review and update this information every few years.
* Prepared by the Ministry and Oversight Committee of Pacific Yearly Meeting of the Religious Society of Friends in 1973 (also appearing in Friends Bulletin, 1975, 43(5), 73-83), reprinted in 1980. Also helpful is Manual of Death Education and Simple Burial, Ernest Morgan (ed.). Burnsville , NC : Celo Press, 1973. Both publications are available from AFSC Bookstore, 980 N. Fair Oaks Ave. , Pasadena , CA 91103 .
** Names and addresses of memorial societies may be obtained from: Continental Association of Funeral and Memorial Societies, Suite 1100 , 1828 L St., NW , Washington , DC 20036 .
Friends are also encouraged to write a will and not to postpone dealing with this important matter. The will must be kept current in order to provide properly for members of the family, particularly minor children, and for the stewardship of property. A simple will can be written, but to be most helpful to the family it must be written with the knowledge of state laws.
It is the responsibility of the Committee on Oversight to give whatever specific help may be necessary when death comes, and Friends are urged to make their needs known. The committee asks appropriate Friends to visit and counsel with the family or friends of the deceased, and to offer any needed assistance such as notifying relatives and friends or helping to plan a service, and to assist in whatever ways the particular situation suggests.
Friends’ testimony on simplicity, with consideration for the wishes of the family, should govern the arrangements to be made. Friends generally feel that prompt and simple disposition of the body should be followed at a suitable time by a Memorial Meeting held in the regular place of worship or at some other suitable place. For Friends, a Memorial Meeting is a Meeting for Worship on the occasion of death. Such a Memorial Meeting is approached in a spirit of peace and trust. It is an opportunity to come together to celebrate in the Light a life that has held meaning for us and to support each other in healing our grief. Music or a prepared statement maybe used if consistent with the spirit of the Meeting and the desire of the family. The use of flowers In such a Meeting is much the same as it might be in a Meeting for Worship. If persons other than Friends are expected to be present, it is helpful to have available a prepared statement explaining Friends’ Memorial Meetings, or for a selected Friend to talk briefly about the manner of the Meeting near its beginning. Some Meetings follow the practice of reading a brief biography of the deceased Friend and find that it frequently supplies information and insights of which more recent acquaintances have been unaware, and helps to draw together a group representing diverse areas of the Friend’s life.
The Committee on Oversight prepares a memorial minute for a deceased member and presents it to the next Monthly Meeting for inclusion in the minutes, and forwards the memorial minute to the Yearly Meeting. Copies of the minute may also be sent to Friends’ publications.
Information and Instructions on Final Affairs
Name ________________________ Meeting ________________________
Address ________________________ Soc. Sec. No. ____________
I request that the Society of Friends carry out the following upon my death:
The information below may help the Society of Friends carry out my wishes:
1. Persons to notify immediately (next of kin, local contacts, executor, etc.): Use back of form for additional names.
Name ________________________ Name ________________________
Address ________________________ Address ________________________
Telephone ________________________ Telephone________________________
Relationship ________________________ Relationship________________________
2. Member of Memorial Society: Yes ____________ No ____________
Name ________________________
Address ________________________ Telephone ________________________
3. Disposal of Body: Burial ____________ Cremation ____________
Medical/Scientific Uses ________________________
Disposal of Ashes ________________________
Cemetery Preferred ______________ Common plot ____________ Family plot ____________
Location of: Deed ____________ Release papers ____________
Undertaker Preferred ________________________
4. Burial Insurance: Company ____________ Policy No. ____________
If no insurance, the expenses will be met as follows:
5. Services Desired (include pertinent details, using back of form if needed):
Memorial Meeting for Worship ____________ Funeral ____________ Other ____________
6. Flowers will be accepted: Yes ____________ No ____________ Where ____________
In lieu of flowers, contributions may be made to: ________________________
7. Special instructions if death is distant from home:
8. Location of: Will ____________ Insurance policies ____________
9. If no surviving parent, instructions on care of minor children: (over)
10. Information for Death Certificate (must agree with legal records and policies):
Full Legal Name________________________
Present Address________________________
Date of Birth ____________ Birthplace ____________ Citizenship ____________
Occupation ____________ Present Employer ____________
Employer’s Address ________________________
Father’s Full Name ________________________
Mother’s Maiden Name ________________________
Signature ________________________ Date ____________
Received for Meeting by ________________________ Date ____________